He's Coming for Their Quarters...

So, it's been a week since my last post. New mom tip #1278 - you rarely have time for the nonessentials. Today, Suttie went swimming for the first time. New mom tip #4756 - Pampers Splashers do hold in poop, but it smears all over their wet little butts, resulting in a Class H Hazardous Waste emergency. New mom tip #4757 - DON'T dip said poopy butt in the pool for a quick wash. People will notice, and they will ask you to leave.

Suttie loves the water; I assume it reminds him of happier, carefree days in a land far, far away called the womb. In fact, he's so comfortable in the water that he sat in a float and almost immediately fell asleep. That's my son - a whole new aquatic world to explore, and, if there's not a bottle in sight, he'd rather pass out than waste valuable calories splashing around needlessly. Of course, his swim shirt rolled up over his large catfish belly. All he needed was a can of Natural Light and a NASCAR tattoo,and he would have been the epitome of the white trash pool-goer.

An aside: When I was buying his swim suit, I discovered that my 3 month old now wears a 12 month size. So now when people ask what "developmental level" he's at, I confidently say one year. If they don't distinguish between mental and physical development, then I don't see why I should. I mean, it can't all be up to me to get the facts straight, and I'm sorry if your child is still in the clothing size that matches his or her age. We can't all win the race. At any rate, my son is clearly taking after his father, who, at his age, had more rolls than Sister Shubert. You might call it fat, I might call it healthy, but, regardless, my kid is stealing your kid's lunch money, and that's all there is to it.