I had no idea there would be so much pee!

I knew when I had a baby that there would be a lot of poop and pee to deal with. All jobs come with a catch, and messy diapers is the ultimate catch of motherhood...although at my other jobs I've at least had the perk of occassionally stealing pens and printer paper. What I wasn't prepared for was the renegade peeing that would occur as soon as Suttie's (that's my son...yeah, I know it's a strange name) diaper was cracked open. For example, today I was changing his diaper and, of course, as soon as the air hit his man parts, he was shooting a solid stream of yellow back toward the wall behind his playpen. Okay, I've dealt with this before. I wipe down the wall and the adjacent console table and floor lamp that have also fallen victm to his golden shower. It appears that my son is the R. Kelly of the southeast corner of our living room. A multitude of wipes and a slathering of Desitin later, I'm closing the clasps of his diaper, but before I can get the second clasp secure, he's peeing again. No shower this time, just a steadily growing pool that my son is laying in the middle of. Now we need a bath and an entire outfit change. I'm on a mission to prevent my excrement-covered boy from becoming the "smelly kid."

Flash forward to a bath scene. Suttie is lounging in his blue plastic tub, looking quizzically at his mom like he always does. I constantly get the feeling that he's judging me, but that's fodder for a different post. He's been lathered with Johnson's products, shampooed and rinsed. Just as I'm moving to turn off the water, he's peeing upward and onto his newly clean bod. It's like he's repellent to cleanliness. So, while I totally expected to be elbow-deep in dirty diapers, I'm apparently at war with a guerrilla-style terrorist - the blitzpee.