Let’s take a minute to talk about man’s most heinous invention…the bulb syringe. Yes, Suttie is currently battling his very first cold, and the bulb syringe has become public enemy #1 in our household. I’m not sure what they’ve been using down in Guantanamo Bay, but, if they ever find that the bamboo shoot/fingernail combo isn’t working, they should try sticking a baster up somebody’s nose.
I also never realized how snot-nosed a snot-nosed kid can be. When he sneezes, I feel like I’m in the front row of a Gallagher show without the complementary poncho. Between that and his constant stream of drool, we’re basically living with Slimer from Ghostbusters. This assessment is even more astute when you consider Wikipedia’s description (yes, I, too, use Wikipedia for all my facts) of the gooey green ghost: “Slimer’s personality is one of tremendous gluttony...and [he] exists only to eat food.” If they had only waited fifteen years, they wouldn’t have had to use an animatronic puppet. They could have had the real thing.
But all jokes aside, I do feel terrible for him. It is so sad to know that a simple nose blow would help him so much, but that he’s resigned to mouth-breather status until he figures out how. So, for now, we pump him full of saline nasal spray and Tylenol, while rigorously testing the humidifier’s performance guarantee. With any luck, he’ll be better by Christmas, and his room will be slime free by early 2010.
Poor Suttie (Mom and Dad too)! As usual your post is hilarious. I hope Suttie feels better soon.
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